*LUPEC Boston’s latest ruminations, in case you missed ’em in this week’s Dig
by Guest Columnist John Myers
Thanks to LUPEC’s passion for a killer party, I’m stuck writing their column this week.
They evidently learned nothing in the hangover seminar I moderated at Tales of the Cocktail. Bourbon Belle, Barbara West, Saucy Sureau and Pink Lady all attended, and even though Pink Lady scribbled copious notes, I’m left to cobble something together as she sleeps off her fun in their coven-like hotel room. Her writing is illegible and I’m preliterate, so we make a great team. But still: Was she drunk when she took these?
Had the ladies listened to what Wayne Curtis and I said, they might have made this morning’s deadline. Sure, it was the last evening of Tales of the Cocktail, but the girls should have eaten dinner rather than lounging by the pool, sipping tiki drinks. Downing a quart of milk would have been better than nothing.
After their first rotation around the Carousel Bar, they should have had some water. Instead, they ordered Vieux Carrés in to-go cups for the cab ride over to New Orleans’ hot new cocktail bar, Cure.
Instead of imbibing drinks based on cognac and rye, they should have stuck with one spirit, narrowing the blend of congeners with which they pummeled their livers to one concise list. Vodka is the best for this, which makes true cocktailians scowl. Gin—the original flavored vodka—would have worked too.
Once they tired of drinking cocktails, they shouldn’t have ordered cava, which accelerates the ethanol administration process through carbonation. And they most definitely should have gone home when they found the Old Absinthe House closed at 4am. Beignets from Café du Monde seemed the perfect solution, but sipping nips of Chartreuse as they walked there? Surely not.
According to one study, hangovers cost US employers $148 billion annually through lateness, absenteeism and conflicts with coworkers. Had I been unavailable to guest-author for the ladies, it would cost the Dig, too.
When they emerge to the bright glare of daylight, I will attempt to revive them with some Pedialyte, a Devil on Horseback and one of these:
2 1/2 oz tomato juice
1 oz OJ
1 oz silver tequila
1 tsp honey
1/3 oz lime juice
1 Tbsp finely chopped onion
2 slices red hot chile
1 dash Worcestershire sauce
salt to taste
Shake and strain. Also great after a day in the fridge.
And when that doesn’t work, I’ll show them how to drink a PBR in the shower, how the cold beer in your insides, the hot water on your outsides and the cold can against your forehead is truly one of God’s great gifts to us. Vigorous exercise—another possible cure—may ensue.
JOHN MYERS IS A PORTLAND, MAINE-BASED COCKTAIL HISTORIAN AND WRITER. HIT HIM UP FOR MORE INCRIMINATING STORIES—AND HANGOVER SOLUTIONS—AT THE CORNER ROOM KITCHEN AND BAR.